The Best Dad Jokes Ever
Joke Of The Month:
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone!
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college – bye-son
- You can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
- Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are week days.
- I saw an ad that said “TV for Sale – $1. Volume stuck on full.” I thought: “I can’t turn that down.”
- Shout out to my Grandpa. That’s the only way he can hear.
- There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who can read binary and those who can’t.
- RIP boiled water. You will be mist.
- A big cat escaped from the zoo yesterday. If I saw that I’d puma pants.
- What do you get hanging off banana trees? Sore arms.
- There was a band in the ‘80s called Prevention. They were much better than The Cure.
- Hostess asks “Do you have reservations” Dad says: “No. I’m confident I want to eat here.
- What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
- Can February March? No, but April May.
- I gave all my dead batteries away today. Free of charge.
- Did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
- I was going to tell a joke about dogs but it was a little far-fetched.
- I sold my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
- What’s the best way to watch a fishing tournament? Live stream.
- The rotation of the Earth really makes my day
- My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end. I just don’t see the point.
- Son: “Dad, I’m hungry.” Dad: “Hi hungry, I’m Dad”
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- What do you call a dinosaur with glasses? A doyouthinkitsawus (Do you think it saw us)
- 5/4 of people admit they are bad with fractions
- I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
- Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind its tearable.
- I thought about going on an all-almond diet but that’s just nuts.
- Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
- I don’t often tell dad jokes, but when I do he laughs.
- What kind of award did the dentist get? A little plaque.
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey